1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Sharon" instead of "Steve".

PS waiting for happiness to kick in and it ain't happening!!!

Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so. Send it to your buddies to frustrate them too.

Ok, head ache from hell returns with a vengence today :-( Tis cluster head ache app????? So more happy pills ( yellow not brown this time lol )but only gotta take them for 6 months ffs! I'm not allowed to drive ( no prob there as I can't and am on a 6 month cruise ) or drink ( ah now I see a problem )
Went thru Bab el Mendeb straights today so waved to Yemen on the way past - nice people waved back haha! Bad news, my oppo almost lost her finger in freak boating accident ( bl**dy booties )so have lost me time off for the foreseeable :-( Luckily she only lost her nail ALL OF IT!!! Poor Angel is now bored stupid as can't do anything!Bless!