.... had that feeling that something horrible has happened to someone you love?
Just hope I'm wrong!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily t rotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less
NOW ............

Enough of that crap . ... . The donkey later came back,and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
You have two choices...smile and close this
page, or pass this along to someone else to
spread the fun.

_____

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their arses.
The results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their arse is too fat.

10% of women think their arse is too skinny.

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man,
and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

Test for Dementia

Below are four ( 4 ) questions
and a bonus question.
You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time,
answer all of them immediately .
OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race! .
You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first,
then you are
absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person
and you take his place,
you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time
as you took for the first question,
OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last,
then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only .!
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000 .
Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 .
Now add 20 .
Now add another 1000
Now add 10 .
What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it,
check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is! it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters:
1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary.
Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop
and wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing his teeth
he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper
and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop
who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses;
how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple...

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

I got a text last night saying I had a voicemailD unfortunately I then lost me signal so have no idea who it was from
Have since rang everyone except ??? and it ain't any of them! It wouldn't be me Mum as she doesn't like technology - she did proudly announce she had an e-mail add so I wrote - 4 months later I'm still waiting for a reply Defo not kids too, told them they could post me anything up to 2 kg's FREE - and yep still nothing from them either
Just hoping I get a signal before it dissappears cos if it was ??? would be gutted!

Well just over - we've done 103 days and have 101 left .... so I'm on me way home YEAH!!!
Pity we don't know what we are doing thou, were supposed to be going up into the Northern Gulf but looks like might be tx-ing between Mogadishu and Mombasa!!!! Oh well will find out soon enough

  Three women, who were friends in high school, have returned to their hometown to attend their 30th reunion and have lunch together. Their talk turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they are trying very hard to 'one-up' each other.

The first woman says, 'My husband Bill, is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks,' and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

The second woman says, 'Well, my husband Ed, just bought me a new Mercedes,' and looks about with considerable pride.

The third woman says, 'Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have much money, or that many material possessions -- but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on Mike's erection.'

After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says, 'Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera -- we're going to my parent's house for two weeks.'

The second woman says, 'Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes -- he bought me a Taurus.'

'Well,' the third woman says, 'I also have a confession to make. Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg.'
 

If I don't get promoted this year - I'm going to Afghanistan in January!!! Why can't I have both

I've lost my locker keys I put them in a safe place ( on the deck in front of my locker ) but they weren't there But I had taken the sensible precaution of not locking it hehe

Here are the rules!!!!!!!

1 Life is short
2 Break the rules
3 Forgive quickly
4 Kiss slowly
5 Love truly
6 Laugh uncontrollably
7 Never regret anything that made you smile
8 Don't skive off work to watch a match especially France v Ireland
9 Send postcards - its rude not too!
10 If you love someone - TELL THEM!

Eventually got me head examined!
Headaches since March ( prob Feb or Jan but am bloke so will go away on it's own - eventually )
Haven't really written about them alot recently, they bore me so they will bore everyone else - standard!
Anyway had loads of tests done AGAIN! Even dyed my eyes yellow - don't know why - def not for shits and giggles thou ......
Anyway again - they have decided in their wisdom that I suffer from stress headaches!!!! They don't know me very well if they think that - I don't do stress! Taken of me happy pills ( had stopped taking them anyway as turned into zombie and thats not good ) Given new pills to try for a WEEK?????????? God knows how that is going to solve a 4 month old problem but hey will give it a go!
Thanks for listening to my occasional rants! Drip sess over
Love to all