http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sunderland/7530274.stm
Are we Spurs in disguise?

http://www.navynews.co.uk:80/view-story.aspx?articleID=227

Where is everyone?

Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
When I want with my old buddies, and don't you
Give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me Just understand that there will be sex
Here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*********

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
Good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
Decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*********

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
Wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it IS time to go home and
Wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
Shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*********

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
To wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
Of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
Was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
Noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*********

God may have created man before woman, but there
Is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

**** *****

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled
LSD?'
Granny replies, ' Never mind  the pills, have you seen the purple dragons
in the kitchen?!'

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly
agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watchin'?'
Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband,'I look
horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

Wife gets naked & asks hubby,'What turns you on more, my pretty face or
my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up & down and replies,'Your sense of humour!'

An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband,
'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

Anyone know how to change dat files to something I an run with windows????

Well some of it as I got bored!

1. Can you cook? 2 years at Catering College
2. What was your dream growing up? Richness! Sail the world
3. What talent do you wish you had? Shopping!!!
4. Favorite place? Portsmouth ( there is a reason )
5. Favorite actor? Steve Mcqueen
6. What was the last book you read more than once? 5 quarters of the Orange J Harris
7. What zodiac sign are you? Pisces
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Just the 6!
9. Worst Habit? Marlboro
10. Favorite snack? None really
11. What is your favorite sport? Football (SAFC) RU ( IRELAND )
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Half full
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Check out your shoes
14. Best thing to ever happen to you? D**
15. Tell me one weird fact about you? Can't stand banana flavoured things!!!
16. Do you have any pets? want a cat
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? Can't even spell it!
18. What time is it where you are now?. 22:39 Charlie time
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? They are just clowns!
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Bank balance
21. Would you be a partner in crime or in conscience? Both!
22. What color eyes do you have? Brown
23. Ever been arrested? Just once!
24. Bottle or Draft? What you got?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Buy shoes!

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. ;

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Yup, wehad our first fire in ages During dinner tonight the dish washer in the Junior Rates decided it had had enough and sparked up! It's ages since our last one

Well here I am, bored stupid! Started work 4 hours ago, it's now 5;20 ( yes I am 2 hours infront of you! ) Dunno if the emails are working as I haven't had any Think I may have slightly upset COMDEVFLOT, well he did say it was an open forum!!!!!!!! Shit happens again! Roll on the 18th when I hit Abu Dhabi!

App. I have just joined a group of pirates - which is odd really as I have been chasing them for the last 4 months!!!!!!

Read Each One Carefully & Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11.. There' s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around..

12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?

Hardly anyone I know! But some of us have all right friends & good friends!!!

You have been Tagged by the Green Dog!
,-._,-..
\/)'(\/
(_o_)
ruff!!!!!!

The desert Island meme.
You are about to spend a year on a desert island what would you take with you if space was limited:

5 Albums only on your mp3 player
1 The downward spiral nine inch nails
2 Teaches of Peaches Peaches
3 Waiting Game Van Morrison
4 Start something lostprophets
5 pick one?? Foo fighters

5 Items of clothing
1 D&G Shorts
2 4 D&G t-shirts
D&G ROCKS!
5 Luxury food stuffs (your Island has a fridge/freezer)
1 Ice cream
2 Strawberries
3 Champagne
4 Mayo
5 Chips

5 Reminders of home

Don't have one

You may ask me three questions and I shall try to answer them. Things that you would like to know about me or my life, my past my future, what makes me tick, what makes me sick. From the mundane to the serious - fire away and I will endeavour to answer for you... but I make no promises!