Waiting on the waiting game

Well we got alongside anyway - only bout 20 mins late so not bad for us
Managed to be "busy" when we had to get rid of the gash It was minging man!
Couldn't have any time off so started something spicey
"Helen" got stuck sorting out some flights so said would wait till she had finished as they were sending transport back for her to get to the show! Weeeeeeeeelll it never really came off like that ( note to self - stop saying yes ) ( note to everyone else - see no such thing as ... )
Well completely missed the show and Xray - Lima and the dancing girls etc etc - oh and the free wine ffs! And the scran
Only arrived 3 hours late, went to meet H's Step D, as he is out here and got on it big time
H as per bat faced, getting peoples names wrong etc etc - why me????
Got to bed gone 5, and woke up 3 hours later ready for work NOT!!! Was hanging out big time But cuffed it through till the aft
Was gonna get me head down but ended in the wrenery having an ex-hairdresser cut my hair as I couldn't get ashore ( F** W* XO )
Oh well I SHOULD get out to play in a bout 3 weeks???? Malta here I ccome BTW now on 150 not 152 ( why the change????????? )

Well it didn't start to bad apart from I woke at 5 and couldn't remember if I had to get up or not
Dragged myself up at half 6 for a giggle - not
Spent the morning in a Command Forum ( yawn!! )
Decided my new contacts needed a clean and the new cleaning stuff I got at the Yank PX app needs 6 hours to neutralize? So basically put hair bleach in my eye - not good Had to spend a "while" in sick bay having it washed out
Just to liven things up decided to stand on the foc'sle ( ship's pointy bit) while we filled up with petrol very emotional, almost fell asleep on the gun
Haven't managed to do my 20 miles this week, drew a line at 19 at it was that hot today it was hard to breath Never mind I did di 15 miles on the bike on Sunday so perhaps that counts towards it????
Found the Doc's fat messuring machine yesterday so have been playing Now down to 18.3 per cent so all the exercise MUST be paying off Pity the flippy tan is fading thou Oh well still got 35 days before we get back to the UK to top up again

Subject: CASE DISMISSED

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
Opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man
Seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, 'Well your Honour, it was like this, when the lady got
On the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under
A sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will
Reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under
A deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,'
And I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honour, when She moved the fourth
Time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have
Prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'  
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!  
 

It's now 00:53, the black cats are 2-1 up in extra time so I shuld be in my bed
Only been up since 04:15 this morning
Night all

It's now 22:50 but in 40 mins - as if by magic it becomes half midnight ( delta time ) so we are 3 hours in front of you
Sunderland are playing the mighty Forest away and being held to a goal-less draw at the min
BFPS are showing C 1 which is the family type shows, whilst on 2 is .... Notts Forest V's Sunderland FFS!!!
Oh well only 36 days to go

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sunderland/7580244.stm

To begin at the beginning!
Wanted to get away on holiday for some "sun"
Yes I know 6 months in the Gulf with temps over 40 sounds good
However, to get the same effect, sit in a greenhouse and look at the sea for hours on end!
Twill be cool not to have to worry bout getting back onboard before time for work
So, originally thought of Los Christianos but was told it isn't very nice so headed north!
All inclusive, flight to London, hotel, flight to the Canaries and all taxes and stuff - sorted
Then of to New Quay ( no not that one, read the first line )
just for a few days

Since 05 have been trying to get off here
Absolutely no joy whatso ever
Oh well! Cunning plan
Volunteer for Afghanistan Draft chit will ensue so I can go somewhere else ( PLEASE! )
Or get on the promotion signal ( Yeahh right ! )
Hmmmmmmmmm no courses ( Op-tag ) so Afghan is no go
Even thou 1000 matelots are going to cover the brown jobs ffs!
Not on signal so ask why
Ah you need to do a command course and conversion course
Oh thinks me, slap in for both courses straight away
Oh no! Can't do command or conversion courses till selected, and can't get selected till have done command or conversion course! WTF!
Ever get that feeling that some time in a previous life you really pissed on someones fire and they are out to get you???

1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way..

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to
be just l like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't
like you.

5. Every night,
SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has
turned its back on you, take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

So.....
If you are a loving friend,
send this to everyone,
including the one that sent it to you.
If you get it back, then they really do love you.

And always remember.....
When life hands you lemons,
Ask for Gin and and a mixer and call me over!

Good friends are like stars.....
You don't always see them,
But you know they are always there.

I would rather have one rose and a kind word
from a friend while I'm here
than a whole truck load when I'm gone.

Forward to all your friends.
And don't tell me you're too busy for this..
Don't you know the phrase
'stop and smell the flowers'?
See how many 'bouquets' you end up with!

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But your own faith keeps You Going    
 
 
   
 

Mail her back to me
 

'Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'

This angel is sent to you.
You must send her to 8 people including me.

In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

Have faith.    
 
 

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. 

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

ababab

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes.   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

ababab 
  

An Irish priest is driving down to Dublin and gets stopped for speeding in Connaught.

The garda smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.

The garda says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

ababab

Walking into the bar, Michael said to Paddy the pub owner, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Paddy, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Michael replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.
'Really,' said Paddy, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

ababab

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and his arse and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....

it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

_____

Todays song is "Tommy Gun" by the Clash! Awesome song but it does get a bit annoying after a few hours

.. are the best!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sunderland/7572431.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sunderland/7573576.stm
Quality and quantity
We are a little short on Irish players thou ... Niall?

I knew it wasn't going to be a good one when I woke up 20 mins late and hit rush hour in the showers - stubbing toe on route
Morning sort of drifted in and out of interest till I smashed me toe again!! Had to go and get things stuck into it yueergh - I hate feet! I think that is why I LOVE shoes
So no running today am up to 13 miles this week, 7 short of my target, just hope this bloody ( in the true sense of the word )
toe sorts it self out Can't believe I'm telling you this, please don't listen ok? Feet are minging
Anyway been trying to get Fiona booked in for a service when I get back and try and get my proper license back from DVLA ( thieving B****ds) without having to re-do my test and stuff agin ( basically been told gotta do it all again )Over 400 quid ffs!
Oh well will keep trying to sort it out but not holding my breath

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sunderland/7572431.stm
Don't stop Keano! Quality not quantity thou

just been listening to him - God what a talentless noise maker he is! Mocking bird is passable?
Used to think hated C&W more than any other sort of music ( jazz funk close second methinks )But am gonna have to rethink

We may be rubbish at football ..... but we are good at somethings!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/olympics/boxing/7570484.stm

SSM just reminded me that some one the other day told me I am a minority - as a white " British" male I was a bit disturbed by this until I thout about it - I work with a bisexual Scottish girl and 3 people from the West Indies!
Does this mean I should apply for grants and extra benefits and claim loads of free stuff thou?

Recently Marines in  Iraq wrote to Starbucks because they wanted to
Let them know how much they liked their coffees and to request that they
Send some of it to the troops there. Starbucks replied, telling the
Marines thank you for their support of their business, but that Starbucks does not support the war, nor anyone in it, and that they would not send the troops their brand of coffee.
So as not to offend Starbucks, maybe we should not support them by 
buying any of their products! I feel we should get this out in the open. 
I know this war might not be very popular with some folks, but that
doesn't mean we don't support the boys on the ground fighting street-to-street and house-to-house.
If you feel the same as I do then pass this along, or you can discard it and no one will never know.
Thanks very much for your support. I know you'll all be there again when I deploy once more.

 
Sgt. Howard C. Wright
1st Force Recon Co
1st Plt PLT
PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS. .. ALLOW IT TO BE PASSED TO ALL IN MEMORY OF ALL THE TROOPS WHO HAVE DIED SO THAT WE MAY HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE TO SUPPORT THEM OR NOT!!

Also, don't forget that when the  Twin  Trade  Towers were hit the fire 
fighters and rescue workers went to Starbucks because it was close by
for water for the survivors and workers and Starbucks charged them! ! !

JUST A NOTE TO THIS: STARBUCKS HAD STORES ON SEVERAL MILITARY BASES IN THE UNITED STATES. THEY ARE NOW BEING REMOVED BECAUSE OF THIS.
There are also 227 stores across the  UK and there's no doubt that our
soldiers would get the same response from this company.

Cos some of us were duty ( boo hiss ) when our dept had it's run ashore, we held our own
Went to Lost Paradise water park - they almost got the name right
One of us, lets call her Helen, managed to have her locker key thingy dissabled and couldn't remember which one it was ( there aren't any numbers on the keys - just the lockers! )
Management wouldn't open the one we thought it was till all others had been claimed !So the rest went on and numpty that I am said yeah ok I'll hang on! 2 bloody hours later............ Anyway we missed the meal we had booked so "H" said ok I'll pay for yours It was a Asian fish restuarant Very nice meal with a few bottles of Rose d'Anjou ( chilled the bloody life out of thou .... )
Bloody place wouldn't take her card so guess who paid for that???
On the plus side did manage to post me postcards there ( law 9 )
so if your expecting a card with a dolphin on it.... it's on its way

Well I probably am
Have been shopping again hmmmmmmmmmmm
Retail therapy - ok?
Was only going for a couple of things
However...
managed to buy another watch ( 7 ok? )
got me knew trainers ( shoe whore )
Oh and a neew mp3 player - same as me blue one, but red
And loads more stuff that I defo needed - or might do?
The point of this is really to say that the Americans really look after their services! Where as we would get a small Spa shop with a post office counter, this Yank PX has ....
A bloody great shop that is subsidised to the max, selling everything from trainers and t-shirts to food and beverages of all US major brands!!!! Want a subsidised Harley? Yeah, no probs! Or a BMW? Same again!
Huge food mall with every sort of coffee shop and fast food place you'd need! Gym the size of Essex, and a bar with cheap Fosters
Why can't we be looked after like this

Well as you can prob tell am back from my destressing time
Stayed in the same hotel as last time, Radisson Diplomat - very nice but they all look the same! Slight snag when I booked in as they gave me a non-smoking room so I rang reception to see if I could change - they just sent up an ash tray
Oh well down to the pool bar and joined the merry crowd and emptied the Magners Got a few strange looks going into the italian restaurant as one of the Fu's had turned into the worlds reddest Welsh man
Lots of wine and several beers later we had to move on - double Courvoisier anyone?
Next day all piled back to the pool to recover lol!
Had to hide in room in the aft as began to seriously melt! Gave me chance to play on facebook anyway Leaving meself logged on when I went back didn't help thou .... P sent loads of messages blah blah blah! Get a grip Pinny!
Once again someone drank all the Magners Barman kept some back for me Diamond!!!! More destressing in the Irish Bar, even if it was blooody freezing
Getting up at 6 this morn wasn't fun, neither was paying the bill - ouch!
Oh well shopping 2moz

are down again!
Only left the ship for a day and a bit and more stuff is broken
Will post more later bout Bahrain

Just taking a break from the heat
Sitting by the pool I was melting so thought a nice cold Magners ( ice )
would help but it's all gone More due later Geeking up to cool down

So am going oout to play for the first time in 3 weeks
Will have a Magners for you

 
 
3 men on a hike…………..

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
 
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
 
Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
 
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
 
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
 
Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
 
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
 
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'
 
Poof! ... He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge…………..
 
GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!
 
Moral:  'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!
 

Well I hope everyone is having a good time??
I'm saving my good time till Tuesday when I hit ( literally ) the Radisson SAS hotel in Bahrain - bring it on! De-stress here I come - oh

Two Choices

What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its
dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay di dn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling,'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.'

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!  

Customer:     'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator:     'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer:     'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator:     'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics
Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator:      'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller:          'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator:      ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller:               'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator:          'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller:               'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:             'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer:             'OK'.
Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer:             'No'.
Tech Support:      'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:             'No'.
Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:          'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer:                 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------

*****************

                                              EXCELLENT - - - - - - -  BEST SO FAR !

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'
Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator:         'Went away?'
Caller:              'They disappeared.'
Operator:         'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:              'Nothing.'
Operator:         'Nothing??'
Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller:              'How do I tell?'
Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:              'What's a monitor?'
Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller:               'I don't know.'
Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:              'Yes, it is.'
Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller:               'I can't reach.'
Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator:          'Dark??'
Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:               'I can't.'
Operator:          'No? Why not??'
Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:  'A power.......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:                 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator:            'Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Or 147 down!
Well it was a weird day today
Iran has upped its weapon state so for a laugh we are going through the Straights of Hormuz to see what they do ... and then turning round and coming back!!!! Bahrain on Tuesday - hopefully!!!!!
Got a parcel today from an organisation that sends parcels out to service men and women ( I'm the former obviously! ) Just thought it was a nice touch to let us know that there are people back home who do think of us and go out of there way to organise things like this It was full of sweeties and stuff so was most appreciated!
Thank you letter in bound!!!
Saw a funny thing today - little fish jumping out of the water after being chased by bigger fish! Only they were caught by sea ducks as they broke the surface

Has anyone been here? Tis is the Canaries??? Have seen it on the net and fancy a holiday when I get back from my 6 month tour of the Gulf ( only 63ish days to go! )